


Harold and Mildred

by aibidil



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Nicknames, Pet Names, Sharing Clothes, Tattoo artist Millicent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-05 00:35:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14605299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aibidil/pseuds/aibidil
Summary: Harry and Millicent hate dress robes, but they like each other.





	Harold and Mildred

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Rarepair Bingo with the prompts: tequila shots, pet names, clothes sharing, tattoo artist.

"I am not wearing fucking dress robes," Millicent said, standing in front of the wardrobe, her arms crossed over her chest, pushing her boobs up to spill out the top of her camisole. "They look awful on all people who aren't the size of my pinky finger, _and_ they're boring as fuck."

"If I have to wear fucking dress robes, so do you," Harry said, kicking his trainer off and accidentally sending it soaring into the wall.

"Harold, watch it! We _just_ painted that."

"Sorry, Mildred," Harry said, then turned to the wardrobe and raised his wand to rotate their clothes on the bar in the wardrobe, trying to assess their choices.

Millicent turned around, searching in a teetering pile of junk that was almost certainly being held up with Harry's magic, until she found the embossed invitation. "The invitation says Muggle clothing is okay."

Harry flopped onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "And how is that supposed to help us? Is a tuxedo better than dress robes?"

"Hmmm. Maybe. Your arse looks good in tux trousers, hot cheeks," Millie teased.

Harry raised himself up on his elbows and laughed. "So would yours. You'd look fit in a tux."

Millicent turned back to the wardrobe, her face thoughtful. After a moment, she called, "Harlan! Do you know a tailoring charm to expand the top of your tux shirt and jacket to fit my tits?"

They were about the same height, so it wouldn't take too many adjustments to make Harry's tux fit Millicent's curves. 

"Yeah, I can do it," he said, standing up. "I don't want to go to this Ministry nonsense at all, though."

Millicent stripped off her camisole and grabbed her wand, pointing it at her hot pink bra and casting a skin-colour-matching charm at it. She pulled on Harry's tux shirt and began buttoning it from the bottom. "It's going to be fucking miserable," she agreed, "but I figure there's an open bar, and we can do tequila shots."

"Mil," Harry said, "the Minister is going to be there."

"Kingsley can join us. Does he not like tequila?" Millicent walked closer to Harry and gestured at where her breasts prevented any more buttoning.

"You're boobing out a bit, Mil," Harry said, reaching around for his wand.

"No shit," Millicent said. "Go ahead and fix it." 

Harry pointed his wand, but Millie shouted, "Wait! I forgot. I have something to show you first." Her face stretched into a grin.

"Oh Merlin, what did you do now? Did you get another tattoo at work today?"

"I'm a tattoo artist. It's literally my job to be covered in tattoos." Millicent reached down and pulled one breast out of her nude bra. Harry leaned forward to get a better look. It was a Muggle-style tattoo—a heart with an arrow through it, and in the middle was a stylised rendering of the name "Harold."

Harry started to laugh, his shoulders shaking and his laughs increasing until he was bent over at the waist. "I fucking hate you."

Mil laughed with him, putting the bra back to rights. "I fucking hate you, too. Now fix this shirt."

Harry cast a spell at the clothes, making the chest and shoulders wider, and then at the trousers, increasing the room in the arse but raising and taking in the waist a bit. Then he found another tux that coordinated well enough and pulled it on.

"Do we look ridiculous?" Harry asked, looking at their reflections in the mirror—his wild hair, Millie's undercut and tattoos on her neck peeking over the top of the tux collar.

"Yeah. Isn't that the point, though, with these fucking things? Like, every single person looks like they're pretending to be someone who they aren't. At least we look like us."

"True," Harry said. "I look a little too boring, though."

Mil turned to him, cocking her head to the side to assess him. She pulled her wand and cast at his glasses. Harry looked back at the mirror; the previously black frames were now Gryffindor red. 

"Perfect," he said, grinning. "Thanks, Milton."

"No problem, Harbert," Millicent said, starting to grab items and stuffing them into the magically enlarged pockets of her tux jacket. 

"So you'll run interference if people try to talk to me too much, right?"

"What am I, brand new?" Millie asked, putting her hands on her hips. "Fucking duh. If anyone tries to talk to you, I'll body block them and/or maybe start snogging you, whichever seems like it will get us to the tequila shots faster."

Harry grinned. "Yeah, okay. Let's go."


End file.
